There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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