and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I forget how to act sober
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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