I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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