I will die if light touches me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
