She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
