Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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