What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
