I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
