somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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