you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
