Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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