Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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