I wish I could teleport
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
