If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
