I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
