I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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