That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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