WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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