Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
