Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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