One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
