I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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