so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
