she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
