I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
