Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
