brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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