What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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