is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
