That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
