I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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