Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
