Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
