I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
