So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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