I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
