so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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