My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
