Just fell off a train. Bad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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