At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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