i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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