You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
