sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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