I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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