Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
