You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
