Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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