So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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