I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
