dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
