85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
