drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
