I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
