wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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