hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
