I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
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Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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