Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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